Normal behavior and risk behavior
Bullying is when one person (or group) deliberately intimidates, abuses, or physically hurts another person (or group). Some teasing and taunting among friends is not uncommon. However, when this becomes too frequent and generates negative effects on the person who is being teased, it becomes bullying. Some behaviors often associated with bullying are:
- Calling a student names and making offensive comments;
- Spreading lies and rumors about another person;
- Making jokes and teasing;
- Hitting or kicking;
- Taking money or things;
- Excluding a student;
- Threatening or intimidating.
How can we help someone who is being bullied?
- Do not ignore signs of bullying. Talk to and support the student who is being bullied. Ask the student what they would like to see happen and discuss with them that they are not alone, and that you will try to find a way to stop the bullying.
- Follow through with your promises. If you tell the student that you will do something, it is important that you follow through. Children notice inconsistencies between adult’s words and actions, and they may stop asking for help if they see that there is no follow-through.
- Follow up with students who have experienced bullying (even it stopped). Keep in touch, ask questions, and provide support. This helps identify any recurrence. Remain vigilant, as bullying can have long-lasting effects.
What can we do to help someone who is bullying?
- Remember that the person perpetrating bullying is a child. Be careful when addressing the child in front of their peers. Being critical and judgmental of their behaviors often does not solve the problems and can increase negative behaviors, especially out of adult supervision.
- Talk privately with the child who is doing the bullying. Talk directly about the bullying behaviors but use a calm and non-judgmental tone of voice as much as possible. Ask, listen, and let the student tell you what happened and share their side of the story, while being clear that bullying is not acceptable. In bullying situations, there are usually many people and issues involved, including problems experienced by the bully. Thus, being a good listener is crucial.
- Ask questions like “How would you feel if someone did this to a person you like? Or to you?” Avoid lecturing and talk to the student about other ways of behaving in future.
What are unhelpful reactions?
- Downplaying the problem and convincing yourself that it is just students playing and will go away. Don’t expect students to resolve their conflicts on their own. They need adult help to deal with conflicts and solve problems.
- Asking the students involved in conflicts (bullies and bullied) to sit down to talk and solve the problem on their own.
- Punishing all the children involved in conflicts when it is unclear who the victims and perpetrators are. Punishing the victim of bullying discourages them from asking for help in future.
- Bullying is a behavior that requires intervention. Therefore, do not blame bullying on a child’s personality or characteristics.
What can we do to prevent bullying at school?
- Be clear about how students can report incidents of bullying. Provide multiple options as to whom they speak to and how to ask for help.
- Discuss and create rules together with students about how they should act and treat each other. Encourage students to report situations, in and out of school, where such rules are broken.
- Reinforce positive behaviors in all students. For example, if you notice one student being kind or helpful, praise them.